the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
