life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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