I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
