yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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