Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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