Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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