After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
