What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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