U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
