The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
