Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
