You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize