my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I die, sorry about rent.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
