Duck Duck Cougar?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
