Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
