No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
