i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
