Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
