bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
