does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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