So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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