I cockslap morals
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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