this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize