I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I want a musical about memes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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