she takes plan B like it's going out of style
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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