not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
