my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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