i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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