Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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