I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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