my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
