hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
