so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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