I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
