Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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