So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
