I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I looked at my own cervix.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Let's paint friendship bongs
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
