how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
