He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
