unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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