I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
