i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize