I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize