R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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