I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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