Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
