Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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