Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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