dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
