I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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