it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
