Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
