I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
