im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
