Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
