Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
