Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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