How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think pants incapable of making pants work
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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