He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
