remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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