She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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