Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Barsexuality is the new black.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
