It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
