This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize