"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
