sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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