i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
