Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
