My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
